xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
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greencardvow
08-10 01:14 PM
I am also a July 2nd filer. No receipts. No checks cashed. I filed at Nebraska Service Center.
guest1978
08-02 04:01 PM
This is great news!!
Ooops, i missed this in my original post. This is true for Nebraska service centre.
I am not sure about the other service centre. Sorry dudes.
Ooops, i missed this in my original post. This is true for Nebraska service centre.
I am not sure about the other service centre. Sorry dudes.
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jonty_11
07-06 01:55 PM
we are indeed a bunch of smart people..I wonder why we cannot achieve more..
please contribute and participat ein Media Drive.
please contribute and participat ein Media Drive.
more...
yabadaba
02-28 05:38 PM
bump...so united nations may post
Xipe Totec
04-25 12:37 PM
This would technically mean that anyone anywhere in the world now, who has ever been to the US on a H visa, can apply for a GC based on the first touchdown date.
Not if the law would say "...currently holding an H1B status" ;)
Not if the law would say "...currently holding an H1B status" ;)
more...
eb3_nepa
08-10 12:34 PM
Which Monday are we going to get these receipts. About 3 Mondays have come and gone and a 4th one coming up :)
2010 Starring Colin Farrell and
h1b_forever
09-01 08:41 AM
Landed on H1b in 1998, still stuck in the muck
more...
HawaldarNaik
03-04 01:15 PM
bole to sub ka current booking main chance lagta hai....ticket milega...subko...:)....bahoot jaldi....
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yestogc
06-11 08:16 PM
Who is this guy selling mangoes ?
Admin, can we have any control on such posts.
Admin, can we have any control on such posts.
more...
mirage
04-30 03:48 PM
They are totally off the topic...
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mirage
03-31 11:10 PM
Alright Guys, Let's ignore this Dard-e-disco guy he doesn't deserve a second of our time. To answer your question, one thing atleast USCIS can give us is, Release data like How many applications they have already received from Major Green Card Seeking countries and in which EB categories. All this data they would have entered in their computers, They can easily run these kind of reports, I'm sure they'll be having some Data Warehousing softwares. So atleast everybody of know where we stand today and stop predicting cut-off dates etc. etc.
They can also make sure they send our APs and EADs in less than 90 days....
a million things in this world are wrong and occassionally you will be at the receiver's end. Am sure you want things to change, so does every member of this group and many more who arent aware or part of IV yet.
Let us(as members) know what would you like to change in USCIS management. If you feel management should be criticised then lets hear it detailed. Would request to keep a positive outlook and suggest what you would like to see happen. Am sure everyone hear is all ears.
They can also make sure they send our APs and EADs in less than 90 days....
a million things in this world are wrong and occassionally you will be at the receiver's end. Am sure you want things to change, so does every member of this group and many more who arent aware or part of IV yet.
Let us(as members) know what would you like to change in USCIS management. If you feel management should be criticised then lets hear it detailed. Would request to keep a positive outlook and suggest what you would like to see happen. Am sure everyone hear is all ears.
more...
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desi485
11-19 03:29 PM
desi, thank you for sharing above. Can some one clarify what RG means by "beyond his control exception"???
is this a standard CIS term? Have anyone heard this term before? If it is a common term used while appeals or MTRs, I would say, RG is correct. However I haven't come across this before.
AFAIK, it is a legal term.
is this a standard CIS term? Have anyone heard this term before? If it is a common term used while appeals or MTRs, I would say, RG is correct. However I haven't come across this before.
AFAIK, it is a legal term.
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santb1975
06-04 11:09 AM
That is awesome.
Wandmaker - Thanks for your tireless support
I got my GC couple of weeks ago and IV has been like a true supportive friend throughout my long wait for this day.
As a way to 'celebrate' my GC, made a Contribution of $500.00 via PayPal.
"This email confirms that you have paid Immigration Voice (donations@immigrationvoice.org) $500.00 USD using PayPal."
Wandmaker - Thanks for your tireless support
I got my GC couple of weeks ago and IV has been like a true supportive friend throughout my long wait for this day.
As a way to 'celebrate' my GC, made a Contribution of $500.00 via PayPal.
"This email confirms that you have paid Immigration Voice (donations@immigrationvoice.org) $500.00 USD using PayPal."
more...
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abstractvision
04-07 04:21 PM
I have faxed my letters...sent 7 by USPS as well to get a hard copy reply. I do not want to discourage this effort, but In my opinion NOTHING will happen with Fax/Email as these are the people who show that they recognize the problem and working the best way they could. No room for improvement.
I do not think lawsuit will work either. Courts are goin to believe all the plans and implementation details and success stories from DOL.
I met 2 members of Congress ( one Ex)and they heard me patiently, appreciated me explaining the problem to them, showed their empathy but no results. One of them I guess was instrumental for the fillibuster the Spector's bill...Great...I do not blame anybody..I realized later that If someone is elected based on conservative ideology and Xenophobic attitude, how is s/he going to help me.
I was impressed by the rallies the illegals aliens have organized. That definitely had major impact as a community asking for their rights. It was covered in all Major /Minor channels and almost all major radio station. It had a major impact in congress hearings. A force to recon with.....
We are all high skilled people who I think,
-do not have time to go out for rally,
-have enough time for suggestions to others in this and other forum(internet is great),
-do not want to participate or donate for a lawsuit,
-always think about divisions among ourselves (01 & 02 Vs 03/04 devide),
-wish to take meanigless positions (stopping PERM..Cursing IV..),
-believe why to move their butt as they have consistent job and not to worry about the time( If it comes early..its a bonus),
-take and reply to opinions personally
-think others will get benefitted too
-wait and watch (Home country is an option too)
-worry about a day leave for rally or meeting
-wait for Visa Bullettin
-discuss Illegals while we are in worst shape than them
I guess if we do not put our acts together, We deserve the situation we are in today.
I suggest, we make city wise list of the suffering people, meet once in 1 or 2 weeks, choose a lead and have leads finalize the date for the rally/ further action.....and show up.
If NOT, then simply show up at Capitol in white dress after Spring recess of Congress.
Unless somebody comes up with any other viable option, I guess Its a wake up call to be answered. Rally from Jefferson to Capitol via 1600 P. Avenue....We donot need 500,000. Even 30 to 50 people with a week notice to all major TV channels will work.
Since, Illegals had such a great rally, Media will definitely pay attention to LEGAL's rally.
Local folks...Congress works until late..Early morning or after work hour is fine. Not sure abt Saturday. If no one is interested..fine..I have got two hands to display at least one banner.
*********************
PD: Aug 2002
State: MD/RIR/EB3
Regional:No
Replied 45 days letter: July '05
I do not think lawsuit will work either. Courts are goin to believe all the plans and implementation details and success stories from DOL.
I met 2 members of Congress ( one Ex)and they heard me patiently, appreciated me explaining the problem to them, showed their empathy but no results. One of them I guess was instrumental for the fillibuster the Spector's bill...Great...I do not blame anybody..I realized later that If someone is elected based on conservative ideology and Xenophobic attitude, how is s/he going to help me.
I was impressed by the rallies the illegals aliens have organized. That definitely had major impact as a community asking for their rights. It was covered in all Major /Minor channels and almost all major radio station. It had a major impact in congress hearings. A force to recon with.....
We are all high skilled people who I think,
-do not have time to go out for rally,
-have enough time for suggestions to others in this and other forum(internet is great),
-do not want to participate or donate for a lawsuit,
-always think about divisions among ourselves (01 & 02 Vs 03/04 devide),
-wish to take meanigless positions (stopping PERM..Cursing IV..),
-believe why to move their butt as they have consistent job and not to worry about the time( If it comes early..its a bonus),
-take and reply to opinions personally
-think others will get benefitted too
-wait and watch (Home country is an option too)
-worry about a day leave for rally or meeting
-wait for Visa Bullettin
-discuss Illegals while we are in worst shape than them
I guess if we do not put our acts together, We deserve the situation we are in today.
I suggest, we make city wise list of the suffering people, meet once in 1 or 2 weeks, choose a lead and have leads finalize the date for the rally/ further action.....and show up.
If NOT, then simply show up at Capitol in white dress after Spring recess of Congress.
Unless somebody comes up with any other viable option, I guess Its a wake up call to be answered. Rally from Jefferson to Capitol via 1600 P. Avenue....We donot need 500,000. Even 30 to 50 people with a week notice to all major TV channels will work.
Since, Illegals had such a great rally, Media will definitely pay attention to LEGAL's rally.
Local folks...Congress works until late..Early morning or after work hour is fine. Not sure abt Saturday. If no one is interested..fine..I have got two hands to display at least one banner.
*********************
PD: Aug 2002
State: MD/RIR/EB3
Regional:No
Replied 45 days letter: July '05
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amitjoey
07-05 05:08 PM
Can you please tell me the senators office you called so that I can call them too ..:) more calls the better
CALL your state senators. State senators are interested in listening from people who reside in their respective states, Cause they technically represent them. So they want to hear what affects their constituents.
Call your state senators first, then call your house reps, (remember logfren is a house rep) and then the others.
CALL your state senators. State senators are interested in listening from people who reside in their respective states, Cause they technically represent them. So they want to hear what affects their constituents.
Call your state senators first, then call your house reps, (remember logfren is a house rep) and then the others.
more...
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logiclife
03-13 01:35 PM
DUI and DWI are crimes that can get your greencard petition in trouble even today.
The only thing today, that will not jeopardize your Greencard application is minor traffic violations. DUI and DWI and not minor traffic violations.
These amendments are only enhancing it to DEPORT those who are found driving drunk. The irony is, if you are an immigrant either illegal waiting for amnesty or legal waiting for your labor/485, you are more likely to need a drink or two.
--logiclife.
The only thing today, that will not jeopardize your Greencard application is minor traffic violations. DUI and DWI and not minor traffic violations.
These amendments are only enhancing it to DEPORT those who are found driving drunk. The irony is, if you are an immigrant either illegal waiting for amnesty or legal waiting for your labor/485, you are more likely to need a drink or two.
--logiclife.
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reddymjm
09-22 09:06 PM
can do both....
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bigboy007
06-02 08:43 PM
If the current law passes , god forbid it wont. It is indeed scary to many : Becoz its primarily becoz of all backlog processing centre Labors, H1 sixth year extensions etc. I dont know how the heck designed this draft and i am sure all those senators wouldnt havebeen aware of all these H1B , GC Employment based numbers some staffer would have done this .
Macaca
10-01 04:40 PM
Cut-off days not only determine number of applications that can be received at their end, but also the make eligible applications approvable. I think at times when the cut-off date resulted in more approvable cases than USCIS can handle, then they move it back as well.
The # GCs approved is controlled by a quota for each quarter.
So they can accept all the AOS applications and approve all the AOS applications but approve GCs controlled by the quarterly quota.
The # GCs approved is controlled by a quota for each quarter.
So they can accept all the AOS applications and approve all the AOS applications but approve GCs controlled by the quarterly quota.
arihant
05-25 07:38 PM
pretty soon they will start requiring photos from worksite to prove that employee exists and that the company exists and is present in the US. LOL :D (I think this was a requirement for H1B...may still be a requirement):rolleyes:
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